The old coffee table accommodated a paper wrapped box.
I stumbled half-awake, unprepared athlete reaching for the finish line.
Across a landmine of torn bra straps & carelessly floored clothes.
She ran out of ink & signed the box with a stamp from her lipstick;
Crazy girl but in my world – She was my perfect calm.
Gold rosary with my name engraved on it couched comfortably in box,
with a note addressed to her ‘Lost & Wild’,
Glanced at her across the room – babied in her sleep.
The note, i read silently aloud in my head:
I apologize – made a mistake when we began,
Thinking my job was to find you, my dear lost boy.
When I should have been lost with you.
I wasted time measuring where our relationship should have been,
Missing out on the beauty of where we are.
Painting a ugly picture with a beautiful brush.
I spent too much time in a cage of rules & generalizations,
Should have ran wild with you, My wild boy;
See places, taste candy – make love counting stars on roof tops.
I lived too long in my head – Thinking you didn’t love me,
But each day before I leave you kiss my forehead – And I see it clear.
You do! – But I also see your scar, your fears.
I have rained tears – Started fires of fight,
And in your hurricane, you hold me – fearlessly protect me.
You said I was beautiful when I was obviously a mess.
I will drive this time – No trails so we can’t be found or rescued,
We can talk & love – Get lost together & roam wild till we’re ninety.
And instead of finding you – Maybe we will find us.