A LETTER FROM MY UNBORN DAUGHTER

Her writing was transparent like you could see her heart through;

Yet clear like a crystal forged from ice.

Dried tear drops stamped the sheet she wrote on.

Oh! That I could see she was hurting.

She asked when I would bring her into this world.

Said I promised sometime soon – I’ll be set.

But she has waited in heaven for years now.

Abruptly, she asked if I didn’t want to become her father.

So I wrote back.

 

Dear daughter still in heaven.

I heard you call for me the other day I woke;

Turned on my bed but the woman on it wasn’t your mother.

See, the world isn’t like heaven.

And it becomes my responsibility to be your shield;

For I have closed my eye to create a euphoria of you being here.

Alarm clock rings. You were swinging. I was pushing.

But as you blew off the candles on the cake,

I woke up from this dream – Still not ready for reality.

 

I know you liked the last lady I dated.

Honestly, I liked her a lot too.

But like an ice out of a chiller;

We melted out of trust.

See, I tried to savage what was left of that relationship.

Seem she already gave up before I could get through.

And one day I hope you would understand;

We humans get broken into pieces that can not be fixed.

Depraved! The kind of man I would have been to carry on.

 

I’m sorry about those nights I drank too much wine,

Made love and poured too much of you into latex condoms.

See, that was me being lost in a different world.

Maybe someday things will get better;

I’ll find the one – Marry her in love.

So believe me when I say this,

I will come for you when the time is right

Like the sun would come for the earth in the day.

I will find you – And you would be my daughter & my friend.

 

 

 

©2012 Phillip Emmanuel O. All Rights Reserved.

She Loves Me – Anyway

 

She tells me she grew up loving me.

Asked why I never notice that.

How could I have!

I met her broken like a crystal dropped from heaven.

A troubled young girl lost in oblivion.

And all I did was support her through the fires of life.

Told her she didn’t have to fight alone.

Never did I take advantage of the nights she spent in my arms.

 

She asked why I was never attracted to her.

Back then, what was there to be attracted to!

She had this little breast that blends perfectly with her chest.

More like a flattened icing spread on a cake.

Her smile was gold though – A polished diamond from the mud.

I was blinded to everything else.

All I ever wanted was to see her back on track.

How could I have known somewhere in between – Cupid struck her heart.

 

She says she is happy to see me again.

Six years have passed since she was shipped overseas for a college degree.

More of a woman she has transformed into.

Black silk dress, red heels, shinny gloss filter on her lips.

Oh! Her breast now carved out of her chest,

Like a porter had spent more time on round & smooth finishing of a clay pot.

Maybe now my heart will circulate the right blood for an erection.

“Oh! Silly grown man”, I said to myself.

 

She hugs me in warm embrace.

Said her heart will always be for me.

But how do I take what I’m not sure of how to keep nor polish.

For I have been shattered and broken into my own pieces.

Yet she says she loves me anyway – Incomplete me.

Leaped for a kiss – her heels didn’t do much to meet my lips.

She said, “don’t be a gentleman tonight”;

For all she’s ever breathe for, is this moment.

 

 ©2011. Exclusively – Phillip E.O. All Rights Reserved.

Special Edition.

30DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING

She said – hold me tighter than before.

30days from now and she wouldn’t be here anymore.

Traded what we had for another with a ring.

Looked at her time and felt we’ve ran out of just loving.

Said she needed more than these feelings.

And though I love her to every piece;

Yet I realize we’ve both come to a point our waters don’t merge.

30days from now – One last night is all we have.

 

I heard her wish this moment would last forever;

Meticulously I ignored those words like I’d suddenly struck deaf.

A little deeper than usual,

Sweat drops like rain from a clouded sky.

Passion marks from love making are evidence of where we’ve been.

But 30days from now – My bed will hug me in loneliness,

While another man would hold her in his lovingness.

Still it would be of me she thinks?

 

Childishly she asked if I would be at her wedding,

Then covered her face in the shadow of my chest.

But I’ll rather be at home repainting my room.

Different colors from the shade that reminds me of her.

For we have lived here too long,

The silk sheets wouldn’t feel same without you underneath the covers.

30days from now and my calendars will be set ablaze.

And our heart filled with cobwebs we can not erase.

 

Maybe she will delete my messages off her phone.

Would I rip her picture off my wall?

30days from now would we forget we once lived in each other’s heart,

Or wake up with the craze for what we once shared?

Oh! A question we both would answer in the warmth of time.

“Kiss me slowly tonight”, she said.

Hold me a tighter tonight.

For 30days from now – I still want to taste and feel you only.

 

 

©Dec 2011. Phillip Emmanuel O. Publication Shared.

Cold Rosery (Maybe If We Cheated)

She would scream at the top voice of her heart,

How she wants us to be together as the earth.

Yet all I pretend to hear is silence.

Opened to the fact that she is not mine to have.

Tempted wants to try;

That my commitment to another would be in question.

For that road has been rough and feels like I’m standing alone.

Maybe tonight if I cheated;

Kept it a secret like a child would hide is favorite toy.

Or just say it like God would send rain pours to the earth.

 

She would listen when I say nothing.

More like she heard my words in silence,

And read my minds to the right letters to interpret.

For she warms her way closer with every intimacy,

And with her every smile and patience,

Feels like a place I can warm my thoughts to.

Without being judged or burnt like a witch on steak.

Maybe tonight if we cheated;

Bounded with nothing but emotions over flow.

 

She put a rosary round my neck the other night.

Said I turned and turned like I was scared of my own sleep.

A prayer said and a cold beaded cross around my neck.

Just friends – but safe to spend tonight in your arms.

And maybe in the morning we would wonder if we had taken a chance.

Maybe if I had shared that kiss while she lay on my chest.

Maybe tonight we forgot we both love someone else – cheat.

And wake up in the morning with nothing on me – but this cold rosary.

Exclusive. ©Nov2011. Phillip Emmanuel O. All Rights Reserved.

Meant To Hurt Me Deep

How did we get here?
I’m hurting and it’s killing me.
My lungs seize when your words cut me.
Grasping for air – choking.
Can’t you see me trying to make us work?
Feels like I can’t be perfect for you.
Must I feel like I’m not tailored for us?
Your love shouldn’t have killed me thus.

I swore making you smile was my place.
My mind was opened to love and trusting in you.
You didn’t have to ask a thing;
All of me was already yours.
Like the sea-shell belongs to the sea;
And how can you say I didn’t feel like yours.
Or did I love a ghost
In my dark, empty corridor.

What do you see when you look at us?
What of my hurting days when you were needed.
Why wouldn’t you love me like it’s meant to feel?
Putting my own pains aside,
Just to be visible in your light.
Oh! How could you say I’m not visible still?
When I’m masquerade in the clothing of your love;
How would you say it feels so torn?

Should I hide my pain when I’m hurting?
Why would loving require me to be super-human?
Would we gather sand in our hands,
And cover our face with it still?
For if you don’t realize I’m fighting to be with you;
Then it’s a battle I already lost – bleed in vain.
Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so attached;
Or was your loving meant to hurt me deep.

©2011. Phillip E.O. All Rights Reserved. Exclusive.

My Best Friend, Woman, Love & Sanity

I met her cute as an angel torn out of a story book;

Close to 6ft plus off the floor on high heels.

Prettiest woman I’ve ever met,

With a soul deep in love.

Always there to complete me,

Never too far when I call.

She is my best friend;

Oh! All the sanity left inside of me.

 

Her smile wets my heart

Like the rain would embrace the earth.

Always there to make everything feel right;

Never scared of trying to make us work.

And without her around,

I would choke.

Just like a man entrapped in dark hallway,

She is all the light that guides me home.

 

Her voice sweeps in the gold sand of comfort.

Like the cornfields would welcome the birds in summer,

She welcomes my emotion

To a love I’ve never felt before.

Different from the rest,

Best crest on my chest.

Oh! My best friend,

The centre of my every thought.

 

She engraves herself into me with intimacy.

Understands I’m not perfect,

Yet loves me regardless;

Beautiful from the inside – out.

My best friend, angel, love and confidant.

That voice in my head when all is silent.

My strength everywhere – anywhere.

Oh! All that is sanity in me.

 

 

©2011. Phillip Emmanuel O. All Rights Reserved® Exclusive

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOW I’M JUST HIS STEP DADDY

When your father wasn’t there,
It was I who stood with you and your mother.
And when love came like corn fields in harvest,
You automatically became my son.
Oh! We never meant to keep no secrets.
Love bonded you as my son as blood would.
And I’ve prayed this day would never come;
When you’d see me as just your step-daddy.

I wasn’t trying to take your daddy’s place.
It’s killing me that you have to hurt badly.
And if I ever knew this day would come,
Maybe I never would have gotten so attached.
For its hard seeing your heart mingled,
When I was the entire father you ever knew.
The one who stayed when others never cared.
The entire daddy he couldn’t be.

Remember it was I who gave you everything.
I was the daddy behind the camcorder,
While you made your first baby steps.
I was there – a shoulder you relied on.
That man who made your mama smile.
The one who got an extra job to pay the bills.
The daddy who was always there for dinner.
Sitting in the front roll on Sunday service.

And when the dippers and baby-wipes are out,
I was the daddy in the store with baby’s shopping list.
Oh! How could you be quick to forget?
I’d give my life to you if needed;
For I never saw you as someone else’s son but mine.
And now that you run-away daddy is back,
Would I still be the entire daddy you’ll ever need?
Or would I be just the step-daddy you once knew.

©2011. Phillip Emmanuel O. Exclusive. All Rights Reserved.

My Stubborn Heart Just Won’t Love You

… But my heart just wouldn’t love you.
My body selfishly wants to take all of you,
Hoping it would melt this heart of mine.
And Give it a reason to let you in;
Just like July welcomes the rain off the hills of Africa.
I tried my best to negotiate with it,
But it has a mind of its own.
It’s been broken beyond my rib-bone.
And collapsed to a loving someone deep.

… Don’t say you’ll wait.
What happens when time passes like a bus ride?
And we are still here where it all began.
Wouldn’t I have taken too much from you?
Oh! It’s not you.
I love every moment we spent together,
The intimacy we share is beautiful.
But I battle my heart still to love you as my woman.
A war I haven’t won still.

… Don’t say it’s me that’s not trying.
Kills me more that you can’t see I want you most.
But how do we build rail tracks on a collapsed mine field?
For my heart has ran away from where its once was.
I hate that I make you smile so much,
And yet I can’t give what would make you smile longer.
Im crying out to you – save me.
Oh! My stubborn heart wouldn’t love you.

©August 2011. Phillip E.O. All Rights Reserved.

First Sight Love From Boston – New York

I used to think it was about me.
Sometimes I would pause and wonder till my heart bleeds,
Other times, I sat so long my skin began to peel.
Was it something I said wrong?
Or something I never even said at all.
Because we were happy when it all began,
Now we seem to be the best of strangers.
Notes on the fridge! – We don’t talk anymore.

I met her on a greyhound bus from Boston to New York.
It was love at first sight.
The conversation was right,
Her smile was bright.
In a moment we never thought about the ending.
Oh! The beginning was beautiful.
Cheap motel for the night – Intimacy shared.
But we both forgot even ice-cream melts off a cone.

My taxi is out and my bags are packed.
Your heart used to be my home,
Now it’s a bowl with no cereal in side.
The milk that juiced our relationship is gone.
No leaks under the bowl – just gone.
And I wonder should I stay to all these madness.
What once felt like it was built-to-do,
Now melts my heart like a wicked voodoo.

Please don’t ask me to stay.
A man crushed by a train can’t purchase a ride ticket.
For we have walked on a path of love,
Now we are just passers-by like the busy ever Wall Street.
For my bag are packed and I would be in New York by morning.
It was love we both wish could have lasted.
But we loved too soon on that bus ride from Boston to New York.
14days of love was all we had – all we needed.

©August 2011. Phillip E.O. All Rights Reserved.
Extracted from my 2006 “Angry Moses” (Rights shared)

BEAUTIFUL NAKEDNESS

She said – Write what you see while my clothes are off.
While her skin played host to the lights,
And her youthfulness glooms like a baby’s cradle.
I sat like a doll controlled by strings.
Paper and ink are my tools;
My imagination mingled like a drunken child.
Oh! This beautiful nakedness my eye beholds.

Her lips shaped like ribbon on an angel.
Eye deep that I could feel my soul stare.
Her shampooed hair smelt like a strawberry field;
And my mind felt like a slave cultivating
This beauty my eye beholds.
Shamelessly naked,
…Endlessly beautiful.

Oblige me to feel your skin ma’am.
Oh! Did I send a shiver down your spine?
Her skin felt like a dove with no feathers.
My hands glides through – No fiction.
Her beautiful perfection like a ginger spring.
A body like silk made in Egypt,
And engraved into a human skin.

She says – I will frame this.
Yes! I will put this on my wall.
This depraved feeling screams ‘encore’.
That I lean forward until my lips welcome hers’.
This feeling of utopia as we both fell asleep,
With nothing on our skin tonight,
Nothing – besides this beautiful nakedness.

©August 2011. Phillip E.O. All Rights Reserved.